Eschet Chayil!

Proverbs 31:10-31

Pentecost 18, September 22, 2024

Holy Trinity Cathedral

“Eschet Chayil!”

“A capable wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (Proverbs 31:10).  Capability is so over-rated.  When I was a teenager, I was a perfectionist: a straight-A student that considered a single error on a quiz to be a failure.  I burst into a tearful melt-down when I couldn’t sew a zipper right in home economics.  Love seemed conditional on me doing everything well that was expected of me. When my first marriage blew apart, I kept asking what I did wrong.  Turns out, I didn’t have to be perfect.  Wisdom shows us a way to be whole, rather than trying to attain to an impossible standard that is set for us or we set for ourselves.  I have learned to look at Proverbs 31 in a new light.  Not as a gender-biased task list.  Rather, it is a poem of praise for those who love and live valiantly.  All of us are invited to know and partner with Wisdom. 

It's not as if I haven’t been caught, like you perhaps, in the struggle of balancing responsibilities.  I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a priest.  I may make jam but I am not a domestic superhero.  If it is an ideal woman being described in the book of Proverbs, she seems to have more than a twenty-four hour day.  Often I have to choose between competing needs.  If something gets done, something else doesn’t.  I was part of the second generation of women being ordained in the Anglican Church of Canada.  The first women had to break into what was a men’s world.  I remember hearing one of my elder colleagues describing how she was expected at first to be feminine in every way and yet still “wear the pants” to play with the big boys.  Some of the barriers had broken down by the time I became a priest but there was still a lingering sense that you had to do better in order to stay even with men.  To be capable in everything and yet not burst in to tears when criticized by a (male of course) superior.   How often do we disappoint ourselves in realizing that we can’t live up to an ideal? 

The patriarchy in the religious institution has often used this passage from Proverbs as a gold standard for behaviour.  It can be abused as a way of keeping women in their place, telling them how they are to act.  Shaming and blaming come when women do not conform to defined roles.  But even if you read beyond the first couple of lines of this poem, you realize that this is not an instruction to keep your spouse barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.  The person being glorified is an equal partner who trades and supervises, makes decisions for the household, and supports her community.  It is not, however, an ideal to be chased.  No! This is a shout out to real women who faithfully struggle with all the complexities of living. 

First of all, this passage was originally written for men.  It is to teach them about what true partnership is about.  Living faithfully in love is the beginning and the end of wisdom.  The same figure of Wisdom that cries out in the early chapters of the book of Proverbs is the one who invites consideration of the honour that is due to real housewives who personify wisdom’s way.  In fact, good Jews were to memorize this poem and use it as a love song to their spouses.  We are to “get” wise by recognizing wisdom in action.  Putting aside the gender-based language, it is for all of us who are in a loving partnership with another human being.  And more, it is for every person of faith who looks to find loving partnership with God.

Second of all, let’s question the English word “capable”, with its focus on competence, perfection, and doing something without error.  The Hebrew original is “chiyal”, and it takes the ode to a much deeper dimension.  Sometimes “chiyal” is translated as excellent or virtuous, but closer to the mark is valorous.  Think about that for a moment!  The one being praised is showing valour.  That encompasses strength as well as ability, a force that is both rich and moral in tone.  It is the individual who is brave and faithful in spite of what life brings.  She is able to “laugh at the time to come” because she trusts God to show her the way forward.  She fears the Lord, not in the sense of being afraid, but being filled with awe at the wonder of God’s presence in midst of her daily tasks.

Instead of a capable wife, Rabbi Rachel Held Evans describes the phrase “eschet chayil” as woman of valour. Imagine a cheer and an exclamation.   Hear it as the Jewish equivalent of “you go, girl!”  In this Biblical passage, Scripture is encouraging us to cheer on the women of valour in our lives. You know some. The relative going through treatment for cancer.  The elder celebrating a birthday.  The co-worker running in a marathon.  The neighbour volunteering at the community brunch.  The nurse in the emergency room.  Wherever you meet the power of love in action, wisdom is at work.  And we can celebrate them all.

This has less to do with rewarding perfection than it does with appreciating wholeness when we find it.  I don’t know any perfect people, but I do encounter a lot of individuals in which the light of wisdom shines through.  In fact, the book of James spends a fair amount of time explaining that God’s plan is not for us to be without flaws.  We are made human, after all.  But we can strive to be whole: to be healthy and balanced, intact rather than fractured by all the demands on our attention.  We cope as best we can, trying to keep love at the centre.  We could sit down and make a long list of what we should be getting done.  I make lists all the time.  Sometimes I can actually tick off the items by the end of the day.  But even more important is to focus on being whole and faithful, rather than resentful and frustrated.  To be valorous partners with God, who draws near to us to help. 

Early on in my ministry, I was praised by a parishioner for being competent.  “I don’t want to be seen as just competent”, I thought at the time.  “I want people to see that I am loving”.  I often fail in that respect, but I know we can call on God’s wisdom to serve faithfully.   When we are in danger of feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities, there is a voice that calls out to cheer us on.  Listen to the Spirit saying “eshet chayil!”  You go!  People of valour: keep on keeping on, because God recognizes your valiant efforts.  Amen.