Fear, Doubt, and Forgiveness

John 20:19-31

Easter 2, April 27, 2025

Holy Trinity Cathedral

“Fear, Doubt, and Forgiveness”

On that first Easter morning, Mary Magdalene brought word of her encounter with the risen Jesus to the other disciples.  Were they overjoyed with the news?  Apparently not, for on the evening of that day they meet behind locked doors in fear.  They had witnessed Jesus their teacher crucified by the Jewish and Roman authorities.  Now they feared for their own lives.  To be still associated with Jesus of Nazareth put them on a list of next to be arrested, charged, and perhaps tortured or imprisoned.  Anyone in the streets who had seen them with the rabbi could point them out as followers.  They couldn’t trust what their neighbours might say and do. That was bad enough.  How far could they trust each other?  After all, one of the twelve- Judas Iscariot- had already betrayed his master to the Jewish authorities.  I can imagine the careful glances at each other, judging how much was safe to say or share.

But maybe, maybe, they were also a little bit afraid of Jesus being risen. 

I can understand them being in shock after the events of the past few days.  No matter how good the news that Mary brings, they are still working through all that has happened.  Each of the disciples, in his own way, had denied him or run away.  Now, how do they dare to meet him again, feeling ashamed and unworthy?  The disciples were hiding for fear of the Jewish authorities, their neighbours, each other, and possibly Jesus too!

Fear can be paralyzing.  I know.  I’ve been in that place. After knowing I did something wrong, the mind goes over and over the events.  I can pretend it never happened and hide my turmoil beneath a false front.  Or rationalize why I acted as I did.  I can try and figure out ways to walk back from the consequences, maybe by lying.   Maybe I am scared of what others will think of me if I tell them what I have done.  Perhaps I am afraid of disappointing expectations.  People may not trust me anymore.  If I have injured others or failed to help when I could, it starts to gnaw away inside.  Maybe you have known this kind of fear.  It grows in one’s body and mind to the point of shutting down any positive action.  When someone is in a very dark place after having committed a wrong, there doesn’t seem to be a way out.  Fear is living inside the lie.  The door is locked. 

Sooner or later, the truth will be faced.  For the disciples, hiding in the dark, it comes with the appearance of the risen Christ.  He opens up the possibility that they cannot find for themselves.  He offers them his peace. 

The first words of Jesus to them offer more than a calming of their fears.  “Shalom” is the greeting.  A holy peace, a peace of wholeness, that restores their bodies and minds and spirits.  And in the next moment, he breathes the Holy Spirit on them and invites them to forgive each other.  Peace is connected to forgiveness.  And Jesus doesn’t wait for them to profess their faith or confess their sins.  They are forgiven in love even as they recognize him with them.  This is what is called prevenient grace.  It is the love of the father for the wayward prodigal, the love of the Saviour for his flawed followers, the love of God for each sinner no matter how far they have fallen.  Those disciples are so in need of hearing words of peace to heal them from fear.  So are we. 

And then there is Thomas- the other disciple.  He was not in the room on that visit from the risen Christ.  Some speculate it is because he was doubting so much he couldn’t even be the with other disciples.  But the fact remains that of all those chosen, he was the one out somewhere else while the followers were hiding.  Maybe he was the only one brave enough to do the shopping.  Perhaps he was the only male starting to spread the good news that Mary and the women had brought earlier.  When the others afterward told him, “With have seen the Lord” he didn’t believe.  Not that he didn’t in the possibility of the resurrection.  But he evidently did not stake his faith on the words of the others.  After all, they had not proved the most trustworthy people up to now.  Thomas doubts.

Thomas doubts, but the scripture does not say he was afraid.  There is a difference.  His questions bring him back to the fellowship a week later.  This time the doors are closed, not locked.  There is a little more willingness to invite Jesus among the gathering.  Thomas is one of the number who experience Jesus in person as he again says, “Peace be with you.”  Then Jesus turns to Thomas specifically and offers to match his need to touch his risen body.  But Thomas no longer demands this evidence, and goes a step further in faith than any of the others.  He professes, “My Lord and my God!”  His doubting has not pushed him into a refusal to seek the truth, but brought him to a profound understanding in faith.  Interestingly, Thomas does not receive a special breath of the Holy Spirit, like the others did previously.  Is this, I wonder, because he was already responding in conscience to the prompting of proclamation?

It is human to fear.  It is human to doubt.  We would not be normal if we didn’t experience these.  What I believe is important to remember in dark times is that forgiveness is possible.  When we feel like hiding, God’s love can find us out and give us the strength to believe in living the truth.  The difference between us and those original disciples is that we have not witnessed the transition from the earthly Jesus to the risen Christ.  In some ways it must have been very difficult for them to make the change, to not compare what they thought they knew then to what they see now.  Jesus says, “blessed are those who have not see and yet have come to believe”.  Usually we conclude that it takes an extra bit of faith to accept Jesus as Lord without knowing him as a physical being.  But what if Jesus is calling us blessed in another way?  We can receive the fullness of his forgiveness and love through the Holy Spirit.  We can find life in his name. 

There is no locked room that God cannot enter.  There is no dark fear that cannot be overcome by forgiveness.  Only those who clutch sin and refuse to allow God in out of fear stay captive to it. If we are willing to admit the possibility that our sins can be forgiven, then they can be forgiven.  Even as we doubt.  So we can say, “I believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God!“ Amen.