The Gift Exchange

Matthew 2:1-12

Epiphany (transferred), January 5, 2025

Holy Trinity Cathedral

“The gift exchange”

For some this season, it’s all about the gifts.  Take the Dursley family, from the Harry Potter stories for example:

“Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents.  His face fell.  ‘Thirty-six,’ he said, looking up at his mother and father.  ‘That’s two less than last year.’ ‘Darling, you haven’t counted Auntie Marge’s present, see, it’s here under this big one from Mummy and Daddy.’ ‘All right, thirty-seven then,’ said Dudley, going red in the face.  Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, began wolfing down his bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over.   Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger too, because she said quickly, ‘And we’ll buy you another two presents while we’re out today.  How’s that, popkin? Two more presents.  Is that all right?’ Dudley though for a moment.  It looked like hard work.  Finally he said slowly, ‘ So I’ll have thirty… thirty…’ ‘Thirty-nine, sweetums,’ said Aunt Petunia.  ‘Oh.’ Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. ‘All right, then.’  Uncle Vernon chuckled.  ‘Little tyke wants his money’s worth, just like his father.  Atta boy.’

• From Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

Epiphany is all about the gifts.  But not quite the ones Dudley has in mind.  Not even those brought to the child Jesus by the wise men as recorded in the gospel of Matthew.  Taken by themselves, they are decidedly odd.  The visit of the magi occurs after these seekers have been inspired by the study of Hebrew scripture and their divination of the night sky. They set out to find the one who is prophesied to be the future King of the Jews.  Whether or not they themselves are converts to the Abrahamic faith, the wise men want to honour his auspicious birth.  Their hope for a leader who will be a light to all nations inspires them to bring symbolic presents.  Not thirty-nine, but three.  Gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

And what, pray tell, are Mary and Joseph to do with them?  Not very useful in the short term.  It’s like the old English tradition of giving a baby a commemorative silver spoon or mug- which then gets put on shelf and duly forgotten until the next house move.  Now gold a peasant family can sell for food or transport or bribing unhelpful officials.  But unless Mary is heavily into air fresheners or temple offerings, maybe frankincense and myrrh are a little more problematic.  Theologians can nod wisely in retrospect and say that the three are representative of the roles Jesus will take in his life.  He will be king, and priest, and finally, sacrifice.  And the fact, as presented in the gospel, that this child is recognized as the Saviour by those outside the Jewish race sets the stage for the good news of Christ for all people.  Gifts are given to highlight how important they believe Jesus will become.  The givers are not expecting anything in return except the hope that he will fulfill his divine destiny.  Mary might offer them tea and cookies, but then they are on their way again, homeward by a different road.  Meanwhile, Mary and Joseph, warned by another angel, flee the current Jewish monarch’s wrath and head down to Egypt.  Maybe the gifts go in the pack. 

For most of us humans, gifts given and received represent some sort of transaction.  There is a motivation to reciprocate.  Perhaps we are giving something as a token of our affection or appreciation for another.  Sometimes a gift is to show others how generous we are or to demonstrate a priority in our lives.  It may be to bolster our own self-image: I am a good daughter, or mother, or sister, or friend.  If we are honest, we have a tendency to balance what we give with a consideration of what we have already received or what we expect to receive. Think of what you gave and received this Christmas.  Or didn’t.   In the weighing out, we can be disappointed when our expectations are not met.  What if someone gives us something unexpectedly when we didn’t prepare a gift for them?  Or if we have put special care into choosing something to please a loved one and they don’t acknowledge our effort?  It gets complicated.  The whole business can be quite anxiety-provoking.  And that is because every gift is symbolic.  The physical object represents how we feel about the other and the value they have in our lives. 

Some families and friend groups have tried to de-stress the holidays by doing a “secret Santa” system of pulling a name and getting something for only one person in the group.  The focus is on one, perhaps larger, wanted thing rather than many presents under the tree.  And it works if there is agreement.  It can cut costs.  Others try to focus on experiences rather than things.  The idea of spending time with a loved one doing something together, whether that is an extravagant evening out or a simple walk in the woods, is appealing in its reciprocity.  After all, you both get the pleasure of each other’s company.  Maybe that makes the whole gift-exchange a little less transactional. 

The gift of presence is the point of Epiphany.  God comes to be with humanity in the person of Jesus.  Wise men may bring him gold and frankincense and myrrh, but he gives them so much more in return.  The good news of the incarnation is that God gives to us something we can never do for ourselves.  God offers forgiveness and unconditional love.  We are offered a new relationship that is not based on what we can earn by works or donate from our private wealth.  Instead, the only thing we can do is accept this priceless gift of grace. The thank-you is our whole lives.  Not on one day a year at Christmas, but every day.  This is the birthday gift that keeps on giving, because it is larger than any other we will ever hope to receive. 

The Church festival of the Epiphany in some ways is even more important than Christmas, because it is a recognition that the gift of the Saviour is not a present we can keep to ourselves.   This isn’t a Christian secret anymore than the original birth of Jesus was for only the Jewish people.  All nations will come to the light, as the prophet Isaiah foretold.  And our role, the only way we can respond to the love of God in our lives, is to share that good news with the people around us.  Our families, our friends, our neighbours.  Our calling is to model the love of God by trying to love ourselves and the people in our lives.  Without counting up the number of times they say thank-you or what they give us in return.  And when- as will happen- we get disappointed in the lack of response to our loving, just remember how much God puts up with each of us.  We are all broken people, making mistakes, hurting each other, and at times distinctly ungrateful for what we do have.  Yet God loves all of us, all of the time.  God is present to us even when we don’t feel the touch of the divine hand on our shoulder.  The epiphany is that love shining out even in the darkness.  So the Church is a lighthouse, to lead hearts home to the gift of Christmas.

The gift of Jesus is one you can’t take back to the store and trade in for something else.  It’s not much good if you just store it on a shelf like a dusty Bible or bring out once a year to commemorate his birthday.  A relationship with him is for living daily, growing deeper in that love that will sustain you through all things, even when you don’t have the ability to reciprocate.  Isn’t it time to unwrap and accept it?

The carol, “In the Bleak Midwinter” puts the gift exchange simply:

“What can I give him, poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb.

If I were a wise man, I would do my part,

Yet what I have, I give him: give my heart.”